A feminine perspective on sex, love, and the elusive female orgasm.

!!!NEW!!! The Problem With "Casual" Dating

!!!Brand Spankin' New!!! - Blow Job Week

5 First Date Faux Pas

Keeping it Cuming in a Couple

Taken because they're hot? Or hot because they're taken?

6.2.17

Seriously, though? What the hell does that mean?

You know that phase that America went through were it was uncool for high school kids to be smart? TV shows like Boy Meets World, Full House, and Family Matters would feature really cool, attractive kids who didn't do their homework and struggled with basic arithmetic, juxtapositioned against very uncool, extremely unattractive super nerds who were taking AP astrophysics and interning for NASA in the 10th grade. This is the phase that Americans are now going through when it comes to relationships. Real, actual, bonafide relationships are suddenly uncool. Commitment is for nerds. Talking about feelings is lame. Only geeks want to know where things stand. Better to let things go with the flow, no questions asked, not even about STI status. Americans are trying everything in their power not to end up like Urkel, and like that era of TV I fear it'll take a few decades before we look back at this unfortunate cool kid moment in cultural history and see how ridiculous we actually look.  

On the one hand it makes complete and total sense. America is a puritanical country, plain and simple. It isn't nearly as liberal is it would like to believe it is, still lets little girls play with Barbies who don't have vaginas (because vaginas are scary,) and would rather elect an actual harbinger of the apocalypse to the highest political office in the land - who is openly sexist and even predatory, I might add - than (gasp!) a woman. 

So yeah...it's bad. At least when it comes to the way men and women relate to each other, and expectedly so. Rather than actually improving the foundation on which men and women relate to themselves, each other, and sex in this country, America has been taking some sloppy short cuts to sexual liberation, one of which is casual dating. I see it as the equivalent of when an ultraconservative, 50-something year old who thinks being gay is a choice and premarital sex is a sin gets a cartilage piercing and thinks they're now radically progressive. 

So first, what does actual progression look like? 

It starts with an assumed equality between men and women, not in terms of believing that we are exactly the same (because we aren't,) or believing that we always want the same things or do things for all the same reasons (because we don't,) but simply relating to each other as human beings first. This changes the dynamic of dating at its very core. In societies that aren't predicated on polarizing the genders until puberty, and even then mingling only for the purposes of dating, hooking up and, effectively, breeding, men and women are actually friends. They don't socialize in odd same sex packs and date as though they're on the Discovery Channel trying to separate one lucky, vulnerable gazelle from the herd. They have actual conversations without agendas, and can enjoy things like sexual tension and flirtation without expectations, stigmas, resentments, etc.  

This realization is what caused me to start seriously studying French culture. After a while it was easy to see the root of the problem that leads to weird, hypocritical behavior in America. Behavior like, people claiming to be deeply religious, frowning on so called promiscuity, meanwhile these people are not virgins, they aren't married and need all fingers, toes and nose hairs on which to count their lovers. People who claim they are progressive and sexually liberal but still expect women to dutifully hide their tampons up their sleeves on the way to the bathroom, think period sex is gross, think a 3:1 oral sex ratio in a relationship is perfectly normal and despite their aversion to female fluids don't understand why women don't seem to want semen in their faces like the ones on the internet. And speaking of the internet, you've got the folks who watch aggressive, exaggerated porn to excess but simultaneously mark a girl's cards if she talks openly about her sexuality, has had "too many" sex partners or the wrong kind of threesome. 

It all comes down to one common denominator - shame.

Shame is at the root of American sexuality, which leads to really, really weird behavior. It leads to closet porn addicts. People who spend their adolescence in a perpetual state of involuntary arousal with no relief in sight, only to go onto more and more extreme varieties of sexual expression once they actually can. There's the unfortunate rape culture in the country, as the genders grow up so ridiculously separate and sheltered from all things sexual, so that by the time sexual expression and behavior finally is appropriate both genders have poor emotional schooling and maturity around the matter. Women become objects in society rather than subjects to be seen, admired, lusted after, catcalled and acquired. Boys are taught to brag about what base they got to in the locker room and eventually score (hello Grease) while girls are taught to keep their knees together lest their net worth decrease with every orgasm. Even those who are drawn to a more liberal lifestyle are aware of the problems that can arise from talking about it - because sex is not something you talk about, despite the obvious truth that people are dying to talk about it! Just look at most of the internet and the success of poorly written (sorry, E.L. but you know it was fan fic) smut such as 50 Shades.

Much like the thirteen year old girl whose parents refuse to talk about sex and acknowledge sexuality to the extent that she doesn't own a real bra even though she needs one and is restricted to maxi pad use only, America is like that thirteen year old girl who desperately wants to look and be mature but just hasn't been given the tools. Thus, rather than showing up to school in a flowing silk top, form fitting jeans and a proper fucking bra, America comes to school in high button tops, itchy sweaters and long pleated skirts, only to change into low rise jeans, midriff baring tops and too much eyeliner in the bathroom. Because when you refuse to acknowledge that sex is a natural part of life, it proceeds to manifest in the most unnatural of ways. 

Casual dating is just one of them. 


Do not confuse casual dating with casual sex. They are not interchangeable

Casual sex actually makes sense. It's sex...with no strings attached. Under this umbrella falls one night stands, booty calls, booty calls on repeat, hooking up at parties, getting drunk at bars and making out (and more) without a care, sex with a cute stranger on vacation, basically anything in Vegas. You get the point. 

But casual...dating? How exactly does one date without strings attached? 

The problem with dating is that it carries certain expectations. Dating is relationshipping in its preliminary stages. We have very clear cut, American ideals surrounding not only what dating is, but what it means. Coffee. Dinner. Dinner and a movie. Drive through movies. Necking. Going steady - not that anyone goes steady and exchanges letterman jackets anymore. This is what dating looks like. And in terms of what it means, or rather, what it's for, it's a discovery phase, or a vetting process. If you're asking someone on multiple dates, or getting asked on multiple dates (by the same person) and things are progressing, ask any red blooded American and they can tell you where things are typically progressing to, whether that destination is spoken or not. It doesn't have to be spoken because there are literally hundreds of years of precedent - dating leads to relationships. Dating rituals are as deeply ingrained into our society as our awkward, shameful feelings about sex, and it would be one thing to simply abandon the old structure and adopt another, or make new rules altogether. But casual dating seeks to merge two completely different sets of rules surrounding sex and dating that fundamentally contradict each other. 

A healthy example of not quite dating:
I was seeing a French man for, oh let's say, three months. It began very simply. We'd been hanging out, watching a movie, and then we had sex. And then began this thing that Americans call dating. Except it wasn't. Not exactly. It included brunch, breakfast, dinners, more movies, bars, social gathering and lots and lots and lots of sex. But very early on, probably one of our first nights out after said sex, we had a conversation that established that despite our arrangement we were not exclusive, or necessarily looking for exclusivity. This conversation wasn't negative or discouraging. Quite the opposite. It allowed things to flourish within clear parameters without anyone getting jealous, confused, angry or hurt. Now granted, during this time we never spoke of other lovers - at least not other present lovers - and when things came to a platonic end we remained good friends. But this is very different from the behaviors that many consider to be casual dating today, because at no point was one of us unsure about where things were headed, or if they were headed anywhere. The terms, if you will, were always clear, which is perfectly sensible and necessary to have a successful relationship of any kind. When the terms changed (i.e.: when things became platonic) this was expressly communicated, not vaguely implied via a serious of unanswered text messages or awkward off the cuff remarks here and there. 

Many take casual dating to mean a zero responsibility/benefits only version of the thing. It means expecting that emotions will not exist, or if they do that because both parties understand that it's casual, they won't be talked about. Or if they are talked about this is grounds for ending the "casual" relationship, because no one wants to talk about feelings. They're too messy. It means operating on shaky ground forged of loose assumptions and unasked questions, because until one person comes out and says, "do you want to be boyfriend/girlfriend," anything goes. It almost always means one party wanting and expecting more than the other is prepared to give, but having no idea their feelings aren't reciprocated because, again, talking is the enemy. It relies on an uncomfortable zone of vagueness and mystery which is not all that sexy when you consider the STI's out there that even condoms can't guarantee protection from. (Get that HPV vaccination, folks.) 

It's trying to fit the ideas of casual sex inside the structure of traditional dating. Unfortunately, one of these things is a triangle, and the other is a fucking square.

We're in a place now where we know that we don't want boring old vanilla sex, and we don't want to spend night after night getting off on elicit websites, but most Americans do not have the emotional schooling and sexual maturity to effectively manage the kinds of relationships that would fulfill them sexually. So instead they rely on shame to facilitate unavailable relationships that almost always end in various levels of disaster due to an inability to do a very simple thing - just talk honestly about their sexual/romantic desires. 

To be clear, I am not by any means trying to say that if you aren't out there courting for marriage that there is something wrong with you. What I am saying, however, is that if you're out there courting for sex, you aren't dating. That just isn't the inherent meaning of the word, and while I am a bit of a stickler and firmly believe that, yes, words matter, it is much more a matter of precedent than that of vocabulary. 

To be fair, the French don't have a word for dating, so Americans don't necessarily need a word for...whatever the heck it is that is happening in that messy grey area between single and in-a-relationship for those that are not necessarily looking to transition from one status to the other. But regardless of whether we can neatly define it in a quick word or phrase, what we do need, and what I fear we do not have, is the mutual care and respect for each other as human beings, not opportunities or options for sex, and the emotional maturity to first identify our own desires for ourselves so as to be transparent with each other about whatever the hell we're doing, regardless of what we decide to call it. 

Two adults participating in the same activity and either defining it differently or not knowing how to define or describe it at all is not adults dating "casually." It's the equivalent of first graders sitting in the SAT and drawing stick figures all over their multiple choice, or writing plotless stories about unicorns and trees with their twenty world vocabulary in their blue books. And to an extent, yeah, it isn't their fault they don't know how to write a proper essay yet. But it's also understood that until then they stay the heck away from the SAT.  

It's not that you can't have fun and enjoy life. But the reality is that even the most detached, emotionally vacant human beings have emotions in there somewhere, and however easy it may be for some to jump into bed sex is just not inherently safe enough these days to be taken lightly. If you're one of those that can't stand convention and you want to go against the grain? - Great! This is for you! Get out there and exercise some emotional maturity. It isn't even trending yet, so you can say you were doing it before the hipsters. 

You can absolutely take every relationship as it comes, whatever that means, but you don't get to skirt the work involved with any interpersonal interaction, down to basic communication, and then let yourself off the hook for such negligence because "it's casual," "millennials date differently nowadays," or some other lame variation of but everyone is doing it. Hell, if Kathy contracted HPV from some guy because she didn't know he was sleeping with other women but she never asked and he never brought it up, would you go out there and do it too?

Didn't think so. 

I mean, hopefully in a decade or so American "dating" culture will graduate from high school. But until then, I beg you, please do not resort to being the emotional equivalent of a cool kid in Saved By The Bell. Communicate carefully and deliberately. Treat your fellow humans with respect. 

Basically...do your damn homework.  



31.1.17


5 Things On Early Dates That Kill Your Chances


First dates are tough. I get it. If you're dating for more than short term sex it's an odd predicament. It has all the personal stress of an audition or a job interview, as you realize that to an extent you're being evaluated. But it also carries the responsibilities of being that casting director or hiring manager, as you are also paying close attention to the person in front of you and deciding whether you want to go out with them again. 

As a result a funny thing can happen on what should be an otherwise pleasurable experience. Feeling pressure from both sides can cause people to treat early dates a lot more awkwardly than they would treat, say, just a casual hangout. Normally balanced, confident people can find themselves being suddenly passive and insecure. Maybe they find their date intimidating, or maybe they're insecure about something like their height, weight or salary. This can cause them to seem boring when really they're just super nervous. Alternatively, some people take the audition angle way too far and approach first dates with boisterous entitlement. They make comments throughout the evening literally letting their date know they are evaluating them, and how they measure up to their expectations. Now this normally laid back person comes across as arrogant and kind of rude.

At the end of the day, no one is going to go on a second or third date with you, or consider turning things into a relationship if they don't enjoy being around you.

Here are five dating faux pas to avoid if you want to make sure your texts are returned, and not with some weird excuse about having to stay home to apply the gerbil's fungal cream. 

1. Making physical evaluations about your date to their face

This should be obvious. It should be really, really obvious. But alas...it is not. 

On the one hand, yeah, it's really disappointing to meet someone online, go out on the date, and realize that they misrepresented themselves physically. When it's a clear and deliberate misrepresentation and the thing that was misrepresented is of importance to you, it's easy to be hurt and angry. 

On the other hand, not everyone is quite as focused on the physical aspect of dating. If that's the case, they may not think of their profile pictures the way a more looks oriented person might. They're not headshots, they're just pictures of them living their life. Who cares if their hair is shorter now, or curly today, or their mustache is gone, or they're doing Novembeard. 

For example, if your date turns up without the thick beard you thought was so sexy online, it's kind of rude to point that out. The same goes for saying you thought they'd be taller, or thinner, or thought their breasts were bigger, etc. Or the opposite - that you're glad they're tall enough for you, in shape, or have a "feminine" figure. And this isn't just limited to online dating. Maybe you met them through mutual friends, or at work, or at a bar. Maybe they're exactly what you look for physically in the opposite sex. Still, sharing your criteria and how they measure up is not first date conversation. It's one thing to say, "you look great," or the classic, "you clean up nice." That's a sweet compliment. But looking over your date's physique with a tiny clipboard and golf pencil in hand is never the move.

If your date is more prone to insecurity they'll be hurt and uncomfortable. If they're pretty secure, you'll come off as a superficial jerk. 

Either way, they're probably not going to want to go out with you again. 

2. Being Rude

Again, isn't this obvious? 

Well...apparently not. 

First, if you have to concentrate on not being rude in general, it may be a good idea to forego dating until you become...well...a better person. But let's assume for the purposes of this article that rudeness is not the rule, but an odd exception that happens to you due to nerves and pressure on dates.

If this is you, focus particularly hard on not being rude to these two people:

- Your server (or the waitstaff in general)
- Your date. 

The Waitstaff

People come from all different walks of life. Just because someone has their own marketing business now doesn't mean they've never bussed a table, tended bar, or worked a holiday overnight in a retail store. Particularly if you've worked or currently work in the service industry, seeing someone who is rude to waitstaff or enters with an unreasonable sense of entitlement is highly unattractive. 

If not for personal reasons, the waitress test is a pretty well known first date test as well. The theory is that how a person treats service workers is indicative of their true character, so regardless of how well they're behaving with you today, what you see in six months will be closer to how they treat the staff.

But what does rude look like exactly? Basically being rude to your waitstaff is anything you might do to suggest that you be prioritized over others, that exceptions be made for you or that your expectations haven't been met, particularly if you directly communicate this, and particularly if you do so in a negative tone or with negative suggestions in an attempt to put extra pressure on the staff and gain special treatment.

First, even if the service is bad, you'll get a lot farther with the staff and with your date if you handle this gracefully. So, if you've shamelessly told a different server, the hostess, and the person cleaning up the table across from you that your drinks haven't arrived yet, you may want to slow down. If you find yourself saying the words, "but it's your job," or "but it's their job," you've gone too far. If something arrives at your table and you use the word finally - yeah, here's looking at you.

A little secret about the service industry. They know how long you've been waiting, because, as you so gracefully pointed out, it is their job. They don't enjoy snide comments from strangers any more than you enjoy waiting a long time for your dinner. Chances are it isn't personal and they're doing the best they can to catch up and service everyone.

And in the rare instances that the service is personal - guess what? That attitude isn't helping.

More importantly, you have not been sent by Open Table to review the restaurant. You're on a date! Your job right now is to ask questions, tell your stories, get to know each other and generally just have a good time. If you think someone's idea of a good time is listening to you berate the waitstaff, you've got another thing coming.

Or rather - you probably don't have another thing coming.

Like if that thing is a second date. 

Your Date

Regarding your date, this should be a no brainer but somehow it is not. Perhaps it's the pressure of the word date that makes certain common courtesies go out the window? But regardless of why, avoid these rude mistakes. 

Do not trivialize and/or critique your date's values. Whether it's religion, politics, diet, whatever, this is not a place to determine the validity of these things. It's to get to know the other person. A playful debate that is mutual? Sure. That's fine. But asking someone to justify a belief to you does not belong on a first date. It's just disrespectful. What's the difference? Okay...

Regular Questions:
So what made you decide to become a vegetarian? 
How did you feel about the election?
Oh, no carbs? Have you always avoided them, or?

Inappropriate Questions:
So you don't eat meat but your bag is leather? 
It doesn't make you feel weird to have voted for a racist criminal? 
You know no carb diets aren't actually healthy. There are better ways to lose weight.

Forcing someone onto the defensive isn't playful banter...it's rude. Especially when it's about something they clearly care about. The difference can be as subtle as semantics, but it may make the difference between, "yeah I know a great coffee shop down the street," and, "actually, I need to get home to feed my cat." 

Do not ignore and/or cross your date's boundaries. Maybe you're out at a restaurant and some couples get up and start dancing. You love to dance, so you ask your date. They decline, and explain that they don't like to dance, or maybe they do but they don't know how to dance to this music, or maybe they know how but they consider it a more intimate experience and would prefer not to do it with a near stranger. Standing up, grabbing their hands and using your full body weight to yank them out of their seat and onto the dance floor might seem hilarious and fun to you, but it definitely isn't fun for them. Or maybe they confide something that they consider embarrassing or private, and you shout it out to the restaurant as a "joke." Or maybe they tell you they prefer not to talk about money on dates but you keep talking about your salary and bonuses, how much your car costs, ask them how much their apartment costs, etc.

When in doubt, just ask yourself this simple question: Am I making my date feel good or bad?

And then ask, if I'm making them feel bad, why would they want to ever see me again?  

3. Exploitative Behaviors

Taking an interest in someone's hobby, interest, or job is one thing. But taking an interest for your own personal gain is another. 

Examples:

Yeah, so I'm a doctor up at Lenox Hill.
Are you? That's really great because you know what, I have this pain in my foot. What do you think that could be?

I'm a bartender over at this cigar lounge in the Meat Packing District.
That's amazing, I've been looking for a place to go with my buddies for my birthday in a month. You think you could get us a discount?

I'm a physical therapist. 
Nice. So that means you give good massages?

I mean come on, it's obvious. In case you don't watch Curb Your Enthusiasm - asking people to essentially do their jobs for free when they're on their own time is not cool. Some people will politely answer one or two questions or attempt to change the subject. Others will just let you have it after a while, and I can't blame them. This is annoying even when it comes to random strangers at bars, but on a date, leave alone a first date? Come on! You're supposed to be showing me a good time, not requesting my services for free off the back of what is beginning to amount to a bad date. 

More importantly, people don't like being used. So how about just...don't.

4. Inconsiderate Behavior

So when you're single, it's really easy to imagine you and your significant other doing all your favorite things together like it's some kind of movie montage. But trying to copy and paste a person into a vacant slot in your own life, as opposed to figuring out who they are and creating a path together does not a great first date make. 

Example:

You like to make an impression with your first dates, especially when you're excited about someone. Something elegant and high end. A fancy steak house is usually your restaurant of choice.

Unfortunately, your date is a vegetarian. Now true, steak houses don't only have steak, but think about how your date feels as you pursue a three page menu and they are forced to decide between two fish entrees (if they even eat fish, which they may not) or try to group together a salad and a bunch of sides and call it a meal.

If you're not a vegetarian you might think that vegetarians are in this position all the time. But on the contrary, most vegetarians don't just eat salad, or put themselves in limiting positions like dining out at restaurants that are primarily known for their meat options. If you're not sure, just ask, but don't assume your date will be content to scrounge up scraps to make a meal while you live it up in your comfort zone.

Other similar dietary restrictions may include but are not limited to: food allergies, gluten free, organic only.

Do not assume that these things are trivial. A gluten allergy is serious - no they can't just have one slice of pizza because they are with you. The peanut allergy will be an issue in the Thai restaurant. Your date with the seafood allergy doesn't need to order seafood, true. But they also don't need to sit across from you itching all night because you just had to have crab cakes. And you might find it pretentious that someone refuses to eat fast food and think inviting them to a Dos Toros, a Papaya Dog or an Applebees is some kind of challenge, but forcing someone to eat unhealthy food or, if they refuse, sit there with a soda as you eat is highly inappropriate behavior.  

Other examples:

You invite your date to a fancy wine bar knowing they don't drink. You figure, they don't have to order alcohol. 

Your date told you via several pre-date conversations that they aren't into parties and clubs. So you invite them to a loud club. You figure they can just try it out. Then when they're visibly uncomfortable you ask them something like, "so what do you like to do for fun." 

I could go on. 

If finding common ground is so difficult that you can't find something to do that you both enjoy, it might boil down to basic compatibility issues and maybe the two of you shouldn't be going on a date at all. But if it's possible to find common ground - do it! Your date should not feel like they are serving out a sentence for being out with you.

Personally, I have a rule. I do not date down. When I say that, I'm not talking about weighing my own status against that of my date's. I mean, I don't date someone who makes me less happy than I am when I am on my own. If I'm sitting across from someone at various levels of discontent, chances are I'm going to opt not to see them again.

Note: Down the line it is appropriate to expect a certain level of compromise. Relationships are all about compromise. However, due to very important factors like, oh say, love and respect, these compromises tend not to include things like moral beliefs, health/safety concerns, and core values.

That said, expecting a first date to push those things to the wayside because the pleasure of your company is worth it is unrealistic.

Also selfish and...egotistical? Kind of universally unattractive qualities, especially when you're dating if you know where I'm going with that...

5. Spouse Shopping

This is a really easy trap to fall into when you realize you're ready for a serious relationship. Maybe you've been playing the field for a long time, or maybe you were in a long term relationship that wasn't quite right and you're ready to find the right one. You're excited about eventually settling down. You've got close friends in marital bliss and you're ready for your own. These are all awesome things.

But this very mindset can often translate to treating dating like an audition process.

What does this look like?

I've been on some pretty terrible first dates where people asked me questions that seemed innocuous and conversational at first, but were later revealed to be very specific questions designed to determine whether I would be an ideal wife or mother to their children. Questions like how I felt about women who keep their own last name after marriage, people who refuse to vaccinate their children, stay at home mothers versus working mothers, daycare centers versus live in nannies. I've been asked whether or not I cook because the man I was out with couldn't marry a woman that doesn't cook. Or whether I knew when to curb the fierce proclamation of my political beliefs, because the man I was out with wondered if I'd be a good partner to take to his work functions.

On first dates!!!

These are not first date questions!

One of the consequences of gender inequality can be seen in the dating dynamic, where men tend to see themselves in the driver's seat doing the choosing, and women are conditioned to want to be chosen in a general and often indiscriminate way. But the problem here is that these issues are things that will come up naturally in relationships at an appropriate time. When you're actually in love and engaged you can discuss what to do about last names, and children, and religion, and politics. People with different beliefs wind up in happy marriages all the time. But these discussions are facilitated with, again, love and respect, so that the people involved come to agreements they can both be comfortable with. These marriages do not arise from one person sitting there like a Meryl Streep wearing Prada and the other jumping through conversational hoops to prove they are the ideal candidate for the job.

Furthermore, as unpleasant as it is to realize your date is interviewing you for the position of girlfriend/wife, if you engage in this behavior you are actually doing yourself a huge disservice. You are not allowing your date to get to know you, or even to get to like you, and you aren't getting to know your date either! You're bypassing the most important part of the thing you claim to want - foundation.

Bottom line: Maybe you already know - or think you know - that you want to marry a Jewish person, who is a fantastic cook, who wants four kids, who wants to live in San Francisco, who you'll have two dogs and a cat with. But by treating your date like an interview or audition and measuring them against what amounts to be premature criteria for a hypothetical marriage, you miss out on the actual person sitting across from you.

Also, you're very likely going to miss out on another date with them.

So for the well meaning folks out there, I hope this helped. Please avoid these faux pas and keep yourself in the dating game.

And for those of you that are possibly a little head strong, if you see yourself in any of these five faux pas...

C'mon hun.

Do better. 

8.12.16

Why I do not believe in blow jobs as a substitute for sex while on my period

Over the summer I dated a guy very casually, and things were going well for about a month. I had just gotten out of something and wasn't looking for anything serious, and he was...well...working in finance and had the kind of self importance that people who achieve wealth at a young age sometimes have that kept him rather self involved. Still, the occasional once or twice a week hookups were working for both of us. 

Then, one holiday evening he invited me over. I informed him that I was out with friends and that tonight wasn't good, but he insisted that he really, really wanted to see me. I then called informing him that I was on my period and wasn't up for sex of any kind tonight. He asked me to come over anyway. I took that opportunity to restate my original stance because we were only really hooking up and had never hung out without sex. I made it as plain as I possibly could that nothing was going to happen. He insisted that he hadn't seen me in a while, missed me, and just wanted to chill. Thus, after my evening with my friends I headed to his apartment. 

We watched some shows in bed like we usually did, and as it started to get late I assumed that we'd be going to sleep. This is when he started to put the moves on me - moves I'd already told him I wasn't interested in. When I reminded him that I already told him I wasn't up for sex of any kind (translation: he wasn't getting an hour long blow job just because I was on my period) and he finally realized I wasn't going to be pressured into it, he got very upset. As in pouty, petulant, not a word or a kiss on the forehead when he left for work upset. 

The next day I got a text two paragraphs long describing his genuine "shock" that I would decline to "please him" and that a woman has never left him to "finish himself off" before. 

At first I chalked it up to his own personal entitlement, but there was a bit of a nagging feeling because there had been one other time that a man had expressed a sort of shock at my declining to accommodate him in this way during my period. So I did a handy dandy Google search, and wouldn't you know it?! 

This is a thing! 

It's a real push/pull situation. I read blog upon blog, forum upon forum where wives who hate blowjobs complained and pleaded for help with their husbands who know they really have a problem with it but still expect a week of blowjobs when they're on their periods. 

So here's what I have to say about the bullshit concept known as blow job week. 

Please share it with men and women alike. 

5 Reasons I Am Against Blow Job Week

1. Because sex is not my job.

Sex happens in a relationship out of mutual attraction, desire, love, etc. Not because the people involved are in some sort of indentured servitude to each other and required to "please" each other under any and all circumstances. That said, looking down at your erection as though it is some problem that the woman you're with is obligated to solve is highly inappropriate, assuming you have not hired said woman for that specific purpose. 

Additionally, oral sex out of obligation feels completely different than oral sex that you elect into because you want to do it. A period blow job is not foreplay, it is the main event, meaning the man receiving said blow job expects it to continue until he ejaculates. So now, not only are you asking a woman to perform oral sex out of some sort of obligation, you're also saying that she has to continue until you're done - not stop when she is done - which is pretty fucking ridiculous. 

I am not a sex worker, and my period is no excuse to treat me like one. 

2. Because a blow job is not the only option when a woman is on her period.

As convenient a solution - if you are a man, that is - as a blow job seems, it is not the only option during period week.

First, not all men have a problem with period sex. In fact, the majority of my partners have not, to varying degrees. For some it meant shower sex. For others, fresh out of the shower sex, on a towel. For others, no pre-sex shower required. Some were even comfortable performing oral with a tampon in (or without, though I'm not comfortable with receiving complete oral on my period.) Granted, they were French. Gotta love the French...

If not, there's always the backdoor, and sometimes I prefer that over vaginal sex. 

Either way, there are lots of other options that allow sex to remain a reciprocal experience. 

As it should be.

There is no reason that my period need become an excuse for a penis to become the be all end all of my sex life for five days a month, while my quivering little body remains untouched and my sexual desire goes completely unacknowledged.

3. Because male arousal does not trump female arousal.

Did you know that some women are the most horny when on their periods?

I am one of those women. I'm super aroused the entire time, feeling a bit more adventurous in bed, having extremely vivid dreams that leave me super hot and bothered upon waking, you name it. Never is my sex drive higher than those 3-5 (or, when off of birth control, 5-7) days. 

The whole argument behind blow job week is that a man shouldn't have to go without sexual satisfaction just because a woman "can't" have sex this week, right?

First, we've already debunked the argument that a woman can't enjoy sexual satisfaction on her period. Rather, some partners just aren't down to facilitate those possibilities. 

That being said, if I can suffer through a week of constant arousal without the satisfying release I desire from a partner, then so can you!

Just because a man's arousal is more visibly apparent doesn't make it more real than a woman's arousal, and while we don't have a taboo phrase like blue balls to throw around to guilt our partners with, it is not comfortable for a woman to get worked up to the brim and then not engage in sexual activity. And no, it isn't the same for us to finish ourselves off either. 

Performing oral sex makes me want to have sex! It's foreplay! It's extremely arousing. It works me up, and it's super unfair to ask me to do that to myself during a time when my body is humming with sexual energy, only to then ask me to finish myself off when I'm done satisfying you because you deem me unfuckable at the moment. 

Which brings me to reason number four...

4. Because it requires me to be tacitly complicit with my own body shame. 

Where did we get the idea that periods are gross? We are not living in biblical times, and we are not in high school anymore. There is no need to say things like "aunt flow" has come to town, or otherwise invent cute little ways to avoid making others cringe a bit and go "ewwww." Periods are not "ewwww!" We do not need brightly colored, adorable tampon applicator wrappers, nor do we need to hide them up our sleeves on the way to the bathroom to avoid the - what? - humiliation of being on our periods? 

That's madness. This is the miracle of life, damnit. How dare you try and make me ashamed of something that is a natural part of life; the product of one of the most amazing fucking things my body can do. 

Do I expect you to go down on me during and lap it up like a starving dog? No.

But I do not expect body shame. I do not expect to be treated like a pariah. I do not expect to be made to feel unattractive, unfuckable or otherwise "gross" when on my period. And I certainly do not expect to be asked to perform on my knees during this time as though it's some kind of natural consequence that follows from being temporarily unfuckable, especially not when men are cuming in women's faces all over the internet. 

I don't like double standards, so hear me and hear me well...

If you think it's sexy to ejaculate on a woman's face but the word period makes you cringe, you need to confront your gender bias and think twice about being squeamish about her bodily fluids. 

Thank you very much. 

5. Because all things considered, I should be getting pampered during period week, not the other way around!

Ummm...are we forgetting that women on their periods are experiencing constant, aching pain, usually more intense during the first few days? Are we forgetting that because of hormones going mad, women are experiencing various levels of exhaustion, heightened sensitivity to smell, food cravings, food aversions, nausea, lower back pain, and the most common symptom of all - cramps?!

Period sex actually helps alleviate menstrual cramps - orgasms are nature's pain killer. And no matter the day or how heavy the flow, menstrual bleeding usually slows down when a woman becomes aroused. 

But again, even if you aren't an advocate of period sex, how the hell did we end up with blow job week?!

When your partner has a cold, you make them soup and tea and wrap them up in a fuzzy blanket. When your partner has a headache, you turn out the lights, fetch them the Advil and grab them a cold compress. When your partner falls and sprains their ankle on black ice, you wrap up that little foot in an ace bandage, alternate between ice and heat accordingly and bring them the remote that's just out of reach.

But when your partner has her period you... ask for a blow job?

Hello, patriarchy?!  

Women are enduring something that is inconvenient, uncomfortable and painful, and rather than being fanned on lily pads as they facilitate the miracle of life, they are being asked to get on their knees and suck dick because said miracle is keeping their man from his orgasm? 

This is the time for male partners to warm up hot water bottles, offer lower back massages, give breast massages, (a tantric experience you can both enjoy - a thank you!) assist in fetching the weird snack cravings and reassuring their women who feel like little baby whales washed ashore that they are indeed still beautiful. Not making them feel even worse by making sour lemon face for three to seven days at the mention of sex while at the same time demanding that their own sexuality be validated and satisfied.



Not into period sex? To each his own. But regardless of the time of the month, you are never entitled to a blowjob. As I've said before, E to E (erection to ejaculation) sex is not sexy, and is the reason that women in heterosexual relationships experience less sexual satisfaction than women in same sex relationships. I think I speak for all the women in hetero relationships when I say I'd like to close the fucking gap. Which shouldn't be hard, considering. ::wink::

Come on guys, you're better than this! Your dicks are not the be all and end all of sex, not even during a woman's period. So use your smarter heads, step away from your egos, and offer your menstruating women some damn support. 

And no, a pillow for her knees doesn't count.




x's and reciprocal O's,

- Belle

I was serious about the breast massage, ps. Links below.

You're welcome.

19.3.16

A casual relationship is as much of a personal choice as a committed one.

Don't confuse being "open minded" with straight up stepping all over other people's boundaries.


So, back in the day, relationships were a lot more clear. More defined. Courtship, for example, was so standardized that both parties going in knew exactly what to expect, and more importantly, what was expected. "So what are your intentions?" was a normal question on the first date. None of this twelve dates in and still not knowing if it's "okay" to bring that "stuff" up yet.

As relationships become more varied, as lines become blurred, it becomes more difficult early on to figure out just what the other person's intentions are. The other thing that gets difficult is making sure that both parties have consented to what they're participating in.

For example, if you ask a woman out in a date, consent seems very clear. You asked her on a date. She said yes. Boom. Done.

Except...since dating has changed so much, it isn't really clear anymore what being asked out on a date means, and if you choose to assume you know what it means you may end up anywhere from annoyed, frustrated, to shattered if your definition differs from that of the person asking you out.

As far as I'm concerned, date is a date. Hey do you wanna meet up for coffee sometime is like, I'm not sure if I'm interested, but maybe. Let me get to know you a little better. Hey a bunch of us are going to bla bla bla bar later, you wanna join us? is, I want to spend time with you with all my other friends. Could be leading to a date. Could be that he just sees you as a friend. Could be that he's hoping you'll take too many shots and then he'll get one. Hard to know before proceeding. Hey wanna come over and watch a movie? could be, Hey I wanna spend time with you but I'm not in a place financially that I can take you out the way I might want, so I'm gonna host instead. It could be, I don't really feel like doing the whole "dinner" thing. It's just a lot of work, you know? Can't you just come over and chill inside? If you really liked me it wouldn't matter whether we went out or not. Or it could be, Read the subtext. This is a booty call. Again, hard to tell until you get there.

But a date. A date?! Is a date! A date is, I am asking you to dinner because I am interested in getting to know you romantically, and I am serious about my interest, and to show you that I'm serious and to facilitate the direction I'm hoping things with us will move in, I'm formally asking you for a DATE!

That's what date means to me. Unfortunately not everyone out there agrees with the definitions above.  There are a lot of people out there who date casually, who date multiple people at once, who date inside open relationships and marriages, who date looking for a polyamorous situation, or who "date" but what they're calling dating is just multiple booty calls with multiple people on repeat. To be clear - I don't think it's unfortunate that these less conventional forms of dating exist. What is unfortunate, to me, is that some people don't realize that to approach all of these situations the same way doesn't make any sense, and is actually very unfair to whomever you might be approaching. 

Because no one asks you out and says, "Hey you wanna go on a few dates, probably explore each other sexually at some point, but not develop any feelings or attachment?" Or, "Listen my girlfriend and I are in an open thing. So if you wanna date casually for a few months, that's fine. She's my priority though." Or..."Hey, you seem really nice and sweet. Here's my husband. Would you want to join us? Indefinitely?"

Or, one that I'd heard of but never thought would happen to me until it did, "Hey look I'm going on a vacation in two weeks but I'd really love to see you again before I leave. I've never met anyone like you and I really want to make you a priority. Can I take you to dinner before I leave? Oh, by the way, my vacation is two months long, or at least that's what I'll tell you upfront because really I can stay gone indefinitely, I'm probably gonna drag it out for four months or so. Oh, and by the way, when I get back it'll only be to tie up some loose ends and then I'm planning to move to the place I'm vacationing. Oh, and the place I'm...ahem...moving? It's on the other side of the world. So you excited about dinner?"

Yeah. Watch out for that ladies. It's no fun being catfished into a long distance relationship.

But I digress...

On your end, on the lady end, or the person-being-asked-out end, this means you cannot be afraid to ask questions. Ask questions! You have every right to ask what a person's intentions are when they ask you out. You have every right to ask what they want with you, or where they see it going. You aren't needy for this, or wrong for this. When you don't do this, you're basically telling them, "Hey, you're perfectly entitled to have me in whatever way you like, so entitled that I'm not even gonna ask what that way is." Uh uh. ASK QUESTIONS!!! Ask a lot of them, and as long as the other person is straight with you, then fine. You two (or three, or seven) will work it out, whether in the same town or on a 12 hr time difference. Whatever is agreed.

But the responsibility is not soley on the person being asked out, and this is where I see problems. For some people who practice, let us call them alternative forms of dating, they don't see them as completely different ways of doing something. They kind of see it kind of like a totem pole, where dating multiple people at once would be entry level, and then dating really casually with no expectation of...well...anything would be first tier, and then a committed relationship would be second tier, etc. Either that, or they assume that because they are okay with their dating preference, that everyone is okay with it, or should be, so they don't bother to ask questions or disclose information early on because they assume that whoever they are asking out not only can but should be okay with whatever it is that they have in mind. Or worse yet, they believe that their style of dating is "evolved" and have no qualms delivering condescending lectures to those who haven't been "enlightened" yet

You know you're dealing with someone like this when you have the "defining the relationship" conversation. Except it isn't a conversation. It's them telling you - informing you, practically - what kind of relationship you have, typically after it's already been underway long enough for expectations to form.

If two people are points A and B with a line between them, most healthy relationships involve each person moving away from their respective points and meeting in the middle. You know when you're dealing with someone who wants an entire relationship on their terms when they dig their heels in and do everything they can do drag you the whole way across the line. It doesn't feel good to be dragged somewhere you really don't want to go, and when it happens it usually looks like manipulation, ultimatums, condescending tones, a lot of "defining the relationship" talks that contradict each other and seem to kind of "reset" the situation to a different status, and usually the person being dragged not being happy with the situation most of the time but hanging on because of promises of what they do want or a fear that they've already invested too much to leave. 

Here's the thing:

You don't get to decide what someone else should be okay with. You don't get to determine that friends with benefits should be enough for someone, or dating you and being physically intimate with you while you're being physically intimate with everybody else should be fine with them. It's true for dating, and it's true for sex - it isn't healthy if it's only happening on one person's terms.

Deciding to date someone is like deciding to get in a car. There are some people I feel super safe in the car with and I won't freak out if they drive a little faster than me. There are other people I can't be in the car with because they drive so recklessly I have to clutch my seat the entire time to feel safe. There are others who drive so slow I have to focus on something else to avoid tucking and rolling my way out of the car and just walking instead. For me though, no matter who I'm in the car with, I wear a seatbelt. Every time. (Except in cabs because...come on...this is NYC. It's not like...dangerous.)

So for me, no matter who I'm dating, no matter how we're dating - though I tend to be more traditional - I wear a seatbelt. And for me, dating one person at a time is that seatbelt. Not having sex with someone outside of a commitment unless I'm pretty damn sure we're headed there soon. That's my seatbelt. That's the seatbelt that protects me from emotional injury and STDs. Or...is it STIs now?

Anyhoo...

You. You, pushy person, that tries to get people to compromise their values and have a relationship on your terms. You, pushy person who doesn't respect boundaries and tries to tell the person who made it clear they were looking for a relationship that they should loosen up and "have some fun" - because obviously wanting a relationship means they're uptight, and obviously sex with you is going to be fun for them.

If you are that person, you are basically someone who drives without a seatbelt, and not only that, but who tries to make people who get in the car with you to take their seatbelts off too! Do you really buckle up every time? Really? You never get tired of being so boring? Man, I thought you were a person who...you know...enjoyed living life and taking chances. I can't really picture myself with someone so conventional. If you trusted me as a driver you'd take the seatbelt off. Are you really that afraid of crashing? Do you have an anxiety disorder? Maybe you should see someone about that. I've never had anyone have such a problem taking off their seatbelt before. All my ex-passengers were fine with it. 

Yeah. Guess what? You can date in whatever way suits you, and I'm not placing a value judgement on all the different ways. But you don't have the right to ask someone to assume a risk just because you are okay with it. You don't get to establish someone else's boundaries.

You get to respect them.


x's and many o's,
(inside safe relationships on shared terms!)


- Belle




26.8.15


It's nice to sit on the couch together. But even better to do it on the couch.


The last thing anyone wants their significant other to think or feel is that they don't have a good sex life. Granted, sex isn't thee most important aspect of a relationship (what's that? No, my eye isn't twitching...) but it is a very significant part. This usually isn't a problem to incorporate when relationships are new. Both people are excited, both are (whether they acknowledge it or not) on their best behavior, and as a result both are willing to make regular sacrifices to prioritize sex, whether it's staying up later than usual, sleeping over on a weeknight or waking up super early to fit some romance in before work. 

After a while though things "calm down" and before you know it you're counting the number of encounters you've had with your partner this month rather than this morning. And it makes sense. Sometimes life gets in the way and conditions just aren't conducive to love making. You plan a romantic dinner but you both get a little too tipsy and accidentally fall asleep in your clothes when you get home. Oops. Or somehow someone got food poisoning at the restaurant. Needless to say that's not sexy. Or someone had to work late beforehand, so you ended up going out later than anticipated, and you want to, of course you want to, but you reeaalllyyy have to wake up early in the morning because of the thing that you have, bla bla bla...

And so on and so forth. 

Now according to psychologists (and, if you're a fan, Aziz Ansari) it's normal for relationships to start off with something called passionate love and eventually calm down into something called companionate love. And while there are all sorts of different types of love involving a variety of pairings of passion, commitment and intimacy, and ideal relationship - or consummate love - includes all three.

So if you find yourself committed and spending plenty of time being close, but just not quite doin' it, what can you do to keep up the passion?

Break the Routine


Do something different! If you always follow the same routine things will begin to feel routine, which is another way of saying no longer exciting. Remember that thing that used to come before sex? You know...foreplay? Remember? That starts way before you actually get into bed. If you're just going about your day: work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv, possible window for sex - foreplay is being ignored. Try going for a drink nearby, going for a walk or having a little night picnic. Make sure you're deliberately making time to start your banter and flirtation and let it flourish throughout your evenings.

Make it a Priority


If other things are getting in the way of sex, that means sex is low down on the priority list. Sad face. Instead, elevate its status. Make sex your trump card. If you're supposed to be getting ready to watch a movie but there's a sexy tension happening - let it happen! The movie will still be there when you're done! Middle of the movie? Pause the movie! Getting ready to meet friends and you're both getting spruced up and maybe seeing your partner sprucing is getting you turned on? Get turned on, be fashionably late and super happy when you get there. Sex is more important! (Oh look, my eye stopped twitching.)

Build Anticipation


This can mean different things to different people. For some it may mean making some kind of romantic plan in advance and looking forward to it. For others it may mean sending choice text messages throughout the day to look forward to the end of the day. For me, a little space does the trick. Spending time relaxing alone or participating in an activity on my own makes me feel excited when I see my partner...and take that word however you like. A little time apart means separate experiences to share and talk about, appreciation for someone if you haven't seen them in a day or two. Maybe a little pent up tension. And then - yay! Sexy time.

All in all it's great to be in something stable, but that doesn't mean you can't still have an exciting sex life. So keep it cuming, and if all else fails there's always couple's sex toys...

Which is actually not a bad solution at all, in fact, check out my post Batteries Not Included if you're not sure where to start. 

;)



x's and many o's,

Belle



Sources:

18.7.15


Why do singles find people in relationships so much more attractive than other singles? 

I love talking to married men. Ten minutes into a conversation with a guy I’ve never spoken to before, if I feel 100% comfortable, he hasn’t hit on me or commented on my physical appearance once, he’s been an incredible listener and he’s offered witty and insightful elements that have encouraged the conversation to flourish, I automatically assume he’s either married or in a very committed relationship. So far I’ve only been wrong once, and that incredible man is now my partner (so points for precognition). I love talking to married men for the same reason I love talking to gay men - we’re really talking. I don’t feel like I’m a fortress who’s security system is being secretly tested by ninjas while he distracts me with small talk. It’s just genuine conversation. Exchanging thoughts, opinions, ideas, experiences, jokes, and so on.I’ve always been respectful of other people’s relationships, but I can’t pretend that before I met my partner I never looked at some of these fabulous men and wondered why I never met someone like that who was actually available. For me, there was a predatory quality I found in single men and an indifference to platonic conversation that turned me off. But people in committed relationships were interested in nothing but platonic conversation with me and were therefore more attractive. I’m not the only one to ever feel this way. A lot of singles feel like they always fall for people who are already taken, and a lot of people in relationships feel like more people became attracted to them once they became committed than when they were single.But why is that? 


Are all the good ones taken?



One simple answer is that wonderful people are more desirable and naturally get swept up before the rest. I strongly disagree with this, though. Although there are definitely singles with characteristics that can restrict a person to the singe life (i.e.: stubbornness, selfishness, inability to compromise) there are many more singles that are wonderful people and would clearly be wonderful partners were they with someone they loved. Similarly, while there are definitely fabulous people in relationships, there are also people in relationships that are actually not so fabulous. 

I once met a guy with a group of friends who I thought was really great. We hit it off talking about our passions, where we wanted to go with our careers in the future, and then later in the evening some flirting started. It really felt like there was something there. And then he sheepishly mentioned his girlfriend. The thing was that he kept flirting, and even asked for my number, claiming that I would just be his “very beautiful friend.” ::Raises eyebrow::

So no, singles can’t be attracted to people in relationships simply because they’re taken, as being taken doesn’t automatically mean they’re in the top tier in terms of relationship material. 

Is it a forbidden fruit thing?


We’ve all heard it - people want what they can’t have. But why is that exactly?

Natalie Lue is a (fabulous) author and blogger that I follow, who believes that finding yourself attracted to unavailable people is actually a clue as to your own unavailability - that unavailability often being an umbrella term encompassing everything from trust issues and commitment issues to abandonment issues. Pia Melody, author of Facing Love Addiction also agrees that when you have unhealthy relationship patterns, you will be attracted to people who fit into and reinforce those patterns. But as you start to develop healthy habits you’ll notice that they type of person you’re attracted to changes. 

Could it be that singles who are attracted to people in relationships aren’t really unable to find other singles that they like, but rather are subconsciously ensuring their single status by only developing relationships that they know can’t really lead anywhere? This potential explanation would also explain why singles who are serial daters or vocally anti-commitment also somehow become “forbidden fruit”. 

Do some singles use relationship status as Yelp for dating?


Singles who really are looking for partners may have certain criteria that they’re after. Sweet, caring, good listener, generous, loyal, etc. Things is, these characteristics are easiest to see in people who are already involved. The guy who immediately mentions his girlfriend when you ask if that seat is taken is obviously loyal. The woman setting up a surprise for her unsuspecting boyfriend is obviously generous. The husband who can describe every detail of his wife’s work is obviously a great listener. And so on and so forth. 

But with singles, it’s hard to tell who they’ll be in relationships. You kind of have to wait and see. Some people are extremely thoughtful when it comes to friends and family, but have the tendency to take significant others for granted. Some people glitter and sparkle around strangers, hanging on their every word, but have trouble focusing on the people close to them as a consequence. For people who are wary of waiting for people to unfold in a relationship, it’s less scary to just observe a person who’s already in one.

This ends up being the dating version of Yelp. You use the relationship the person is already in as a vetting tool to see if they have the qualities you want in a partner of your own. The problem is, unless one of the qualities in your search criteria is “abandons relationship for any interested party who lays on lots of attention” you’re probably not getting reservations to that restaurant. 

Are people in relationships happier?


This one has always fascinated me, and I honestly think it might be a thing. Some say that people in (good) relationships tend to be more attractive, even at a glance, because they’re happy. 

When they walk, they’re smiling. Maybe they have a tender look in their eye when they check their phone. Maybe there’s a content aura to them, even if they’re sitting in a public place alone. Perhaps it’s that they’re in such good spirits when you talk to them, or that they tend to be optimistic and encouraging rather than pessimistic and prone to making bad situations worse. 

Those qualities all seem pretty attractive indeed!

Do people in relationships approach new friendships with less self interest?


I’ve heard the phrase “the best relationships start off as friendships” all the time. Mine sure did. And it makes sense. People want to get to know the person they end up dating, and they also want that person to get to know them. 

Remember when I said that single men turned me off when I was single, because they gave off a predatory vibe? What I meant by that, is that single men (especially on dates) only wanted to get to know me in a very specific way. Questions were always centered around the finish line. “So what are you looking for in a man?” “So how long do you usually wait before having sex with someone?” “So what was your last relationship like?” “How would you describe your sex drive?” Or comments that were clearly tactical. “I’d love to cook for you - you should come over some time.” “So if you want I can come over before hand so we can relax a little before we go out.” “I know this great little coffee shop right by my apartment.” “Do people compliment you a lot?” “I get so nervous around you, you’re so beautiful.” 

Relationship history interrogation, excessive complimenting and back-to-my-place battle ship is not a conversation! It’s awful. It’s more than just unattractive and boring. When you’re dating and that’s how things are going, it’s like you’re on the same date over and over and over again. It’s exhausting. 

Which is why talking to people who are already committed can be such a breath of fresh air. They not coming at the situation with an agenda, which leaves room for real conversation to blossom and true friendships to form. You actually learn about the other person. Their interests (besides you), their hobbies, their sense of humor. 

Overall, I think there are a lot of reasons that many singles may find people who are in relationships more attractive than other singles. I don’t think it’s purely about the relationship status in most cases, though. I think that already being involved and committed allows people to bypass superficial, sexual and goal oriented pursuits, and instead skip right to the genuine, interpersonal interactions that people looking to settle down are craving. Tie that in with a usually positive attitude and that’s a pretty attractive package deal.

But it’s nothing that single people can’t project as well! Some people already manage it whether they’re in relationships or not (romantic wink to my love).

So keep this in mind the next time you go on a date or meet someone new, and share this post with all the singles you know!

The dating pool should get more attractive in no time. ;)


x’s and many o’s,



Belle







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