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How important or not is penis size, and why?

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You may notice that you're on a "by a woman, for the women" blog. And yet, here comes a post about penis size. The reason is this: Some people believe bigger is better while others insist that it's not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean. Men who know they're hung are confident that they're size is the key to their sexual successes. Men who know they're small insist that if a woman doesn't enjoy sex with them it's because she's a slut who needs to stop sleeping with so many hung men and do some kegel exercises. And because a lot of men haven't seen many other men naked - apart from porn, which generally only features the biggest penises - they don't really have an idea of where they fall on the size chart unless or until a partner tells them. 

So you'd think that the focus when evaluating a penis would have something to do with the partner in question. You'd think that there would be an understanding that the importance of size is relative. But apparently the idea of relativity and different women preferring different sizes is a very, very difficult concept to grasp. 

I recently saw a documentary on Netflix - The Unhung Hero - that inspired this post. Throughout the post a man who discovered that he fell on the smaller size of penises went about looking for ways to change his circumstances. Through the documentary (and keep in mind that this was NOT the primary focus, nor message in the documentary) the question was frequently asked - why do women have this obsession with size? Toward the end, just as the subject of the documentary was beginning to have an epiphany and realize that he had to accept himself for who he was and find someone who accepted him too (RIGHT ON!) - he also mentioned that the average vagina was three inches deep and that the average penis was four inches long. These statistics were then followed by an animation of a hot dog bun (the three inch deep vagina) and a hot dog (the four inch long bun), with the hot dog fitting into the bun and hanging on a bit on each side. He then asked the question - What's the problem? 

I didn't want to be upset. I didn't want to allow myself to have an emotional reaction when this was obviously coming from someone who - and forgive the pun - had gotten the short end of the stick. But then I thought about myself, my own physical traits - height, weight, breast size/shape. butt size/shape - and realized that women have ALWAYS had their physical traits put under a microscope, judged and rated. Society makes it very clear what it thinks "beautiful" is, and if the requirements to be a top model are any indication of the criteria, MOST women do not fit it. Does it mean that we start bad mouthing women who happen to be naturally tall and thin and somehow magically still have full D cups, or declare that anyone who thinks this is beautiful is obviously just brain-washed and stupid? No. We accept society's view, we accept ourselves, and we move forward confidently whether we fit the model mold or not.

So yes, I'm having a reaction, and I'm sharing it now, because I don't think it's okay for penis size to be turned around on women and for it to be a "problem" if a woman wants or prefers a certain size.   

Why Breast Size Does Not Compare To Penis Size

The most common comparison when men are trying to put themselves in a woman's shoes and understand why we care about penis size, is by thinking about why they care about breast size. 

One theory I have is that deep down men know that this isn't the same, but they hope that if they say "you have an A cup and I love you anyway" that you'll be forced to accept their 1.5 - 2 inch status wholeheartedly. 

The other theory is that since breasts are the most commonly critiqued area of a woman's body and usually the center of her sexual confidence, and the penis is the most commonly critiqued area of a man's body and usually the center of his sexual confidence, people just assume they're comparing Apples and Apples, when actually it's Oranges and Bananas. 

If we're talking about traditional intercourse, breasts are NOT a functional part of sex. They're aesthetic. Breasts on a woman are actually most comparable with a man's muscle tone, not penis size. It differs from person to person. Even when people are roughly the same height and weight, it does not mean that they'll have the same breast size or the same muscle tone. Some people prefer very big breasts and some people prefer big, pumped up muscles. Others prefer average-ish breasts, and toned, but still slim-ish muscles. Some don't mind if breasts are small, the same way some people don't mind if a guy isn't exactly in the best shape "right now". 

There's no hard and fast rule that only guy's with AMAZING bodies get girls, the same way there's no rule that only women with AMAZING tits attract men. Mostly because there's no clear definition of what "amazing" means - it differs depending on who you ask.

Some people list breast size and body type as their "bottom line", while others insist that those who do so are superficial and that if someone really cared about you, it wouldn't matter what your body was like or how big or not your breasts were. 

But penis size?

Penis Size is Functional - NOT Aesthetic

Unlike breasts, the penis is a functional part of intercourse. It is NOT an aesthetic bonus, it is THEE MAIN EVENT. If you want to compare a penis to a part of a woman's body - compare it to her vagina! Because that's what it is. It isn't an extra, some care, some don't, I can take it or leave it kind of thing. The penis is it. It is the part of your body that a woman is actually having sex WITH - not your pecks, your abs, your biceps or your hot or not butt - your penis!

It's the reason there is so much talk about how childbirth affects the vagina. Why men wonder how the hell they're ever going to have sex with their wives again once they've watched little Nicky tear right through it. 

And people generally seem to understand that concern, right? Obviously men would be concerned about the vagina after childbirth because of the way sex is going to feel.

So why the hell is it so hard to understand why women care about penis size? 

Why is it some big mystery that you have to venture out into the world and ask the Wizard of Oz to explain to you? You do know that sex involves TWO people, right? 

Women don't care about penis size the way they care about washboard abs or the way men care about breasts. It is NOT some superficial "bigger is better" propaganda that has brainwashed women into thinking that they want something that they don't actually need. This should be obvious, but if you have to ask then I think I have to explain: Women feel things during sex too. And penises of different sizes feel different during sex.

That’s all it is. It’s not rocket science. Women who prefer a big dick like it because they prefer the way it FEELS. Women who prefer an average dick like the way it FEELS. Women who prefer a smaller dick like the way it FEELS, and women who don’t have a preference are open to multiple FEELINGS and don’t discriminate. 

Women have every right to decide what is important to them in bed. So what that the average vagina is three inches long? The vagina isn’t a rigid hot dog bun that just stays the same size during sex. During sex a woman’s vagina changes. When a woman is aroused, her vagina tightens on the outside to grip the base of the penis, and expands on the inside to give the penis room. Obviously different penis sizes are going to affect the vagina differently, but that’s fine because different women prefer different feelings.

Personally, I guess you could call me a size queen. I don’t say it with any ego or like it’s some great thing because honestly, as I prefer an above average penis size that means that at the end of the day I have a smaller pool of men to choose from. That’s right, life is hard all around. The reason for my preference though, is that I like the feeling of being stretched. I like the way it feels when my limit (cervix) is reached and pushed on. I like it when because a penis is bigger than what my body can comfortably handle, it hurts a little (or a lotta) bit. 

That description of sex - pain & pleasure - is oh, so essential and hot to me. But other women I know avoid any kind of pain at all costs. Other women have had sexual experiences that I would consider divine and said they would never sleep with that man again because he was “too big”. 

It is all about what a woman wants and needs. Not to mention that being completely satisfied in bed is NOT a deal breaker for ALL women, AND that in a world of kink and fetishes, being satisfied does not have anything to do with penis size for all women!

Bottom line: Not everyone wins the genetic lottery and gets the exact face, body and sex organs that they would have chosen for themselves if they were able. Whether you’re completely happy with yourself or not, at some point you have to learn to be because good luck getting anyone else to love you if you don’t already love yourself.

And even if you’re someone who isn’t 100% happy with your lot, the only thing less attractive than insecurity is trying to invalidate those who have what you want, or who want what you don’t have. Not to mention that it’s immature, mean, and just plain disrespectful. 

There’s a great, big world out there. Lots of different people (who do not all meet society’s standards of beauty, body type, breasts size and/or (yeah, I said it) penis size) meet and live long, happy lives with people who accept and love them for exactly who they are. 

So quit staring at yourself in the mirror, get out there and do the same.

x's and many O's,


For quick tips and bedroom tricks check out Sex Tips

Polls are open. Scroll down to Vote O School. 


The blow job you want to give without embarrassment, exhaustion or injury  

If you are a member of the heterosexual community and tend to date men from said community, the men that you meet, date and eventually sleep with will have no idea what a blow job entails. They know what it feels like, and they know what it looks like - sure. But whether because the bulk of their erotic education has been streamed over elicit websites or because the women of their past have not told them the truth (that or just didn't have a gag reflex) they don't understand that a blow job is exactly that - a JOB! 

I'm personally bisexual and thus have had the privilege of intimacy with both genders. Let me tell you: As with most of life for us women, it is NOT equal pay for equal work. Men may think that if they give their all, you should give yours too, having no idea that performing oral sex on a woman barely requires limits to be pushed, whereas doing so on a man requires limits to be pushed, stretched, and in some cases damn near choked to death. Factor that in with the fact that the average woman is not a porn star and you may find yourself in a situation where your partner's expectations when venturing south of the border are some that you can't or simply don't want to meet. 

Whether it's your favorite thing in the world to perform or something you only break out on Christmas, Valentine's Day and his birthday, I'm going to provide you with my version of a Going Down Do's and Don'ts Guide. And since as women we tend to be people pleasers and thus more likely to ignore our limits and overextend ourselves, I'm going to start with the don'ts. 

Going Down Don'ts

Don't: Give to receive. While reciprocity is nice, it's neither required nor sexy. I can't imagine a bigger turn off than a man going down on me, crawling up for a kiss and then muttering, "your turn". Even if I was planning on reciprocating I wouldn't at that point, because I would feel like his motives for pleasing me were disingenuous. Learn to ask for what you want up front. Don't do it because you want something from him. Do it because you want to. And if you don't...

Don't: Perform oral sex if you don't actually WANT to. This is not a prerequisite to sex. Oral sex is extremely intimate. Personally I find it even more intimate than intercourse. (Yes, really.) Whatever your doubts are, trust that they are valid and are not made suddenly invalid but your partner's declaration of being ready and willing to go down on you. You are not on the clock and thus in no way required. So when in doubt - don't. 

Don't: Overextend yourself or ignore your limits. It's understandable that when you do want to perform oral sex, you want to perform well. Still, being unrealistic about your capabilities may have consequences (i.e.: extreme soreness and discomfort after or even during the fact, painful and embarrassing gagging and choking, accidental biting...need I say more?). Be honest with yourself and your partner not just about what you want to do, but what you can do. 

Going Down Do's

Do: Let him know that you enjoy pleasing him. The beauty of only going down when you want to is that you'll never be dragging your feet or doing a "lazy" job - it will always be your choice. Chances are he'll enjoy himself more if he knows you're genuinely enjoying it too. 

Do: Pace yourself. Don't just acknowledge your capabilities and limits - work with them. Use anticipation to your advantage. Tease. Perhaps start of slow and work up to a more challenging speed. Maybe begin with light suction rather than starting with your mouth on HIGH. Keep not just his pleasure, but also your personal comfort in mind. It can either be an amazing, short burst or a long climb that builds up to amazing. Your choice. 

Do: Get creative and spare your mouth. You don't necessarily have to have ALL OF IT in your mouth the ENTIRE time. Not all men agree on this, granted, but a fair amount believe it is more about the visual show than anything else. That means working yourself one way to the point of exhaustion might not be the ticket to the best blow job you can give. Vary things a bit in ways that will allow your mouth a rest. Remember things: Like the fact that you still have hands, or that most twigs come with berries. 

As always, be open and honest with your partner so that the two of you (or heck, maybe not just two?) can figure out what works best for you both. 

Happy head, ladies.

Oh...and don't forget to breathe. 

x's and many O's,


For quick tips and bedroom tricks check out Sex Tips

Polls are open. Scroll down to Vote O School. 

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